Okay, I’m not a dad, but I’m married to the father of my children. I see him everyday, I work with him, serve on his teams at church, pray for him, cover him, look up to him and love him. Oh! Pardon me! My enneagram is showing. 😉 From how I have seen my husband live his life, I’d like to share a few things that can make a dad a good dad:
Probably the worst thing a mommy who serves can experience is having to choose between her service and her children. That tension is real! Let me explain…
It was a Sunday morning, but a special Sunday, something similar to today. It was a day with meaning behind it. A lot of work was put towards this day and my team and I were excited to finally push play on our plans.
I was up early like I usually am when there is something extra happening at church. I usually make room in my schedule for last-minute curve balls so that when things come up I have the time and space to give attention to them without stressing about other details being missed.
My alarm went off and though it was cold I was able to kind-of drag my feet to our kitchen to turn on the back left burner. That’s my water kettle burner. As I wait for the water to boil, I brush my teeth, wash my face, and put on my make up while the birds in our backyard chirp as the sun rises. I make sure to listen to the sound of the boiling water so that I can fast-walk back to the kitchen and flip the little lid before it whistles and wakes everyone up. Coffee in peace and quiet is just … just wonderful.
After finishing my make up, I’ll begin to open doors so that the sunlight from my room will go into my kiddo’s rooms. They’ll begin to wake up on their own, pass around good morning hugs, eat breakfast and follow our reminders of how to get ready for church.
My bags were packed and we were ready to roll. Then it happened, I’ll spare you the details, but when I literally had my hand on the door nob ready to leave, my first born puked.
To be honest, I have had to learn to embrace the times a sick kid takes me “out of the game.” But on THIS DAY?! This day I had worked so hard for, planned for with the team, and prayed for; I struuuggled because there it was, the universal sign of “No mom, I need you, therefore, You can’t go.”
It felt so defeated.
There it goes! A day I had such high expectations for, wondering what the Holy Spirit would do in our midst. Gone!
Time to find my stretchy pants. I’m out.
I cried as I put down my bags, reaching for my son to calm him down because honestly puking is no fun, and I felt like I had lost. Like I wasn’t going to make a difference, at least not today.
Now, I know there are other women who don’t mind when sickness in the family stops them from working or leading, but I honestly struggle with it. I am more than a mom. My identity is not in my motherhood. It doesn’t make me a bad mom, but it does mean I struggle sometimes when I put effort into something else and not get to see the fruit of it become a reality because I have children.
It hurt. I remember thinking if I can’t show I can carry this [event], I won’t get another chance. And in the middle of encouraging a sad little boy, there was no hope in that moment for this mom to be anything but a maid.
I was helping our kiddo into the shower when my husband was cleaning the mess and said “You go! I’ll stay with him.”
I was mad hearing those words and argued back. “No. You’re more important than me. People need you at church. They want you and our son needs his mom!”
To every manipulative lie I have believed Trevin replied, “Our son needs his parent.” He paused and then kept saying words I wasn’t expecting to hear, I needed to hear, but wasn’t used to hearing, “You have worked so hard for this. You are important. You go lead!”
I cried leaving my sick kid at home. I was torn between me, my child and the church. I want to be both a good mom and a good leader, but the unpredictability of little people keeps others from releasing moms in leadership. I know it so well. It’s a role I have humbly excepted from the Lord to steward the tension, instead of try to relieve it, but I can’t steward it alone.
Now, I know this post may raise questions or opinions, so many moms are on different ends of the spectrum in their opinions of this kind of situation and I honestly respect that. God has designed us all differently and we all serve in different capacities in different seasons, and our families are all so different. I mean not to minimize anyone or offend someone who thinks differently. But what I want to highlight on this Father’s day was the day my husband stepped in AS. THE. DAD.
For a man to say, “You go!” and to care for his children when it’s sticky, stinky and unpredictable is beyond a dream come true. One way to be a good dad, is to give your kids a healthy mom, whatever that looks like for your family, and take part in the responsibility of caring for your children. (Jesus did the same for his bride, the Church. In fact, he laid his life down for her health, and so much more. Eph. 4:25; Eph. 5:23, 29-30)
For the dad who says “I’ve got this!” and shows care to your children, giving them a true picture of partnership and a sense of were-in-this-together, is honestly one of the best gifts a dad could ever give. I mean, how many kiddos get to be home sick with their DAD? Not many.
Boston got to skip church with his hero. Our hero!
So today I wanted to take space on my blog to celebrate Trevin, for the dad that he is to our boys:
-For being someone who is willing to lay down his life so that his children can see both parents thrive.
-For being someone who is willing to clean up the messes that smell.
-For speaking the unpopular truth and exposing the lies that trap the mother of your children.
-For being humble enough to make a choice that isn’t popular.
-For rocking difficult homework in a superhero mask to help our son with self-confidence as he studies at home.
-For the donut runs on Saturdays.
-For working out 3x a week so our kids have a healthy dad.
For all of it—
Happy Father’s Day Trevin! And Happy Father’s Day to all the dad’s out there! Keep lifting, keep serving, keep loving your families. They are blessed to have you!
Take some time today to tell a father figure in your life, how much you appreciate him.
Happy Father’s Day, my friends!