Here. It. Is. The email that tells you a lot about how to have a great sex life. But let me clarify, I’m not telling you how to have a great sex moment, no, I’m talking about investing in the sexual relationship you have with your spouse.
From the beginning, let’s get on the same page about four things: 1. This post isn’t going to be like my usual posts but it’s a relevant issue and I’m not going to shy away from it. 2. Having great sex can technically only happen in a safe environment, and when I say safe, I don’t just mean that the bed is soft and the person agree’s to have a safe word. I mean sex is safe in terms of your conscience and within the limits that sex was designed to be experienced in. When your conscience is forced to live outside of convictions or personal standards, then you won’t feel safe. 3. We must be willing to submit our convictions to the standard of God’s word before we live by them. 4. Sex is best experienced in a relationship between a man and a woman who are married and choosing to spend the rest of their lives together, because that is how God designed it.
Trevin and I have been married for a little over ten years and we have had to learn how to have great sex.
Here are 43 tips for a great sex life from Mr. & Mrs. Anderson:
Both parties have to have their own conviction about their sex life.
1. You both have to want to have a great sex life (neither person can settle here!)
Be selective about what you give your attention to.
2. Both individuals must have purity as your standard in all other forms of sexual expressions.
3. Things like porn, hidden sexual sins, overly sexualized tv shows, internet, social media including youtube and search engines like Google & Pinterest, will destroy your sex life before you ever get into the bedroom.
You have to work at it.
4. It’s rare when both spouses are equal in their sexual experiences and desires. So find the common ground, but you are both going to have to work at it, sooo make it fun instead of work!
5. Be patient over time, practice makes perfect. 😉
6. Talk gently every time it’s discussed.
You will have to be willing to learn.
7. One person may desire things the other has never done or tried before.
8. Good sex takes time. It takes time to get to know what each other prefers.
9. Be willing to learn and don’t give up.
Be willing to sacrifice for great sex.
10. Some spouses aren’t as sexually compatible as others. You’ll hear stories from other couples and wonder why they aren’t happy, or how they are more happy than you are. You can’t compare the sex you are having with your spouse, to the sex your friend is having with their spouse. Seriously, those thoughts are red flags. It’s not your business.
11. What this means is that you will both have to sacrifice to make your sex life great, you have to control your thoughts and put your insecurities aside.
12. As long as it’s safe and not sinful the person who is the most shy or the more conservative may have the most sacrificing to do.
13. Be brave enough to have great sex!
14. Be willing to invite your spouse to a spontaneous sexual experience.
15. Gently but bravely communicate about your sex life and what you would like to experience.
16. Share what that requires each of you to learn and do.
17. Keep a schedule if you are busy, make it a priority, ask yourself:
How many times a week? What time of the day?
If you have kids, are there any times away from your kids that you can reconnect
sexually? Go for it! Then finish house chores together.
18. Set times throughout the year that you have sex everyday or multiple times a day. Let me say it another way, have a honeymoon a couple times a year, even if it’s at home and you don’t take time off work. Literally put it on your calendar. Think “stay-cation” but better!
19. Try new things.
20. Sex should never become routine. (I’m not just talking about the day and the time, I’m talking about what you do when you are alone with each other!) Creativity keeps it fun, and if the idea turns out to be lame, well, in our experience it’s usually hilarious.
21. Never settle for an ok sex life.
22. Speak your mind (share what you are thinking and feeling, honesty is important.)
23. If your spouse is honest with you about an insecurity, don’t gossip about it, cover them. This is between you two. Work it out!
24. If someone is tired of the routine, say something! Listen and change!
25. Be willing to laugh at yourself!
26. If you have never laughed with your spouse during sex then you are taking it too seriously and you need to try something new. Like stat!
27. Great sex is hard when you are out of shape.
28. Great sex is hard if one or both of you aren’t taking care of yourselves and each other.
29. Prefer your spouses desires.
30. Have good hygiene.
31. Shower, shave, brush your teeth if you have too!
32. Can we be straight with you? Just don’t be gross.
Set the atmosphere!
33. Start by communicating you have a desire to “roll around in the hay” … Trev’s wording here. lol
34. Light some candles
35. Wait until the kids are asleep (that is, if you have them)
36. Lock the door for the love! No pun intended.
Tips for communicating about sex with your spouse:
37. Learn your spouse. (Are they shy about this topic or nah?)
38. Communicate about past sexual experiences and sins. Then forgive. Forgive the act and forgive the lasting impact.
39. Know when it’s the right and wrong times to talk about your sex life. (Example: if I am in the middle of cleaning up my two year olds puke – no!)
40. Be willing to reevaluate your goals to make your sex life better.
41. Set time aside a few different times a year that you both can openly talk about your sex life.
-Schedule the conversation for a time that you’ll be in the right frame of mind. (Meaning don’t show up stressed out or ready to fight.) Have a plan to discuss and be on the same page before birthdays, holidays, etc.
42. Speak your mind, kindly and respectfully.
One last tip for great sex:
43. Don’t give up! Divorce, porn, affairs and silence aren’t the answer to a terrible sex life.
If you need to talk to someone about sex here is the kind of person we talk to:
1. Someone who has a solid marriage, or a redeemed marriage if it was once broken.
2. Someone who is confidential i.e. counselor/pastor.
3. Someone who is old. Haha. Preferably old enough to have adult children who have healthy marriages themselves.
Okay, we have given you our best advice for a great sex life and notice we didn’t say pray about it? Although, since God is the creator of sex you could (and should) do that. I also recommend finding out what the Bible says about sex. Hey!!! That’s tip number 44 and 45! Ya Welcome!!!
Signing off on this post I’m not going to ask what tip you’re going to try this week but let me encourage you to share this post with your spouse. Have a conversation and have fun!
Enjoy your time with your love!
From, Trevin & Stephanie Anderson
Find me on instagram this week for information on a valentine’s giveaway!