Seven years ago, I was sitting on the couch and thinking about my past and my future. It was a Wednesday night. It was one of the first Wednesday nights I wasn’t at our church youth group meeting. I had officially stepped off the team. My heart was broken. I was at a crossroads in my life. My husband was there still, and I was home alone watching a reality show. My thoughts were louder than what I was watching on the screen (Kardashians or Batchelor? I literally have no idea. Probably Kardashians because I was more into following Kourtney’s pregnancy journey with sweet Mason.) However, I wasn’t technically alone. I was pregnant. My first baby was on his way! I wasn’t far along, but I spent my days working, teaching, sleeping and prepping for this new baby.
I remember sitting on the grey suede sectional we bought from Costco, the same one everyone else probably has in their basement. I sat there with the remote in one hand, and my other hand on my tummy, talking to my little guy. It was in that moment I started to talk to myself. Not in the crazy way, but in the “something is changing” way and I needed to make sure my brain knew what my heart understood for so long. I told myself, “It’s time to start facing my fears.”
Fear of what people thought about me.
Fear of disappointing people.
Fear of not being a real friend.
Fear of loosing people and dreams.
Fear of having regrets when I am old.
Fear of not liking myself.
Fear of having bad finances.
Fear of no education.
Fear of failing.
Fear of bad health.
Fear of being a disrespectful wife.
Fear of being a mom whose not good enough.
Fear of loosing my children to tragedy.
Fear of raising selfish, uneducated kids.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of criticism.
Fear of being misunderstood.
Fear of change.
Fear of not changing.
Fear of missing out (FOMO!)…the list goes on! Anyone relate?!
Since the birth of my first-born, I have been able to see my reason for changing, my reason for fighting, my “why” in the flesh. His name is Boston Matthew. Matthew means “Gift from God,” and because of this gift, I have been challenged and taken courage to face my fears.
Today, whatever your fears are, look at the gifts that God has given you. Give them attention, for growing them will cause you to take courage and face your fears and in time, you’ll look back and be so proud of how far you have come and how good God is. God has done a good work in my life and I know HE CAN and HE WANTS to do a good work in your life.
Today, April 23rd, is my first born’s 7th birthday, and I can’t wait to see what fears he has to face in his lifetime, and I know I am a mom capable of stewarding the gift he is, because of my journey.
To face your fears, whatever they are: 1. Recognize the gifts God has given you, these are your “WHY!” The things you are passionate about, and how they can change the world around you, how can they advance the Kingdom of God. The things that keep you up at night. The activities that if you didn’t get paid for you would still give attention too. 2. Grow them, pay money to grow them, spend time learning how to grow them. 3. Breath and give it a go! 4. When it gets difficult, remember your “WHY!” 5. If you fail, re-evaluate, try again.
Remember this “Every good and perfect gift is from God.” James 1:17. He doesn’t give us gifts to make us rockstars, He gives us gifts so we can grow in Him as His kids. So face your fears and steward your gifts well! Entrepreneurship, business, writing, medical, counseling, admin, art, music, coffee appointments, roommates…all of it! Does that make sense?
Share this post & meet me on any of my social media platforms this Saturday for my Top 5 Verses For Facing Fear to wrap up our Facing Fear #BlogSeries.
P.S. If you see Boston, please wish him a Happy Birthday. That boy is a gift!